Ministry

Ministry is an odd combination of idealistic dreams and a job to support my family.  What is sad is that my experience in ministry looks less and less like the Biblical ideal and more like a place where everyone is seeking to be fed.  The reality is that it has always been like that and my idealism was just that:  idealism.  
What I mean is what people value is what they put their time into.  Christians are supposed to be all about Christ and serving Christ in every way.  But I look at "church" and I see people putting God in a box they can take out and consume when they need a fix.  Christianity is a lifestyle, not a product.  

So I bring the Word and pray.  I have seen successes and I am very proud of many people and their growth in the Lord.  Those people make me happy and I receive a glimmer of hope.  I have not seen the dramatic growth that these evangelism companies promise.  I wonder if that is the right kind of growth anyway.  

It seems as though God gives us just enough to get by and does just enough to preserve His work.  I get frustrated that God doesn't come down and change people dramatically; even to go as far as to change our politicians, our stars, and our athletes.  

So I survive.  I pray.  I grow weary of this place and the people.  It seems like they have heard everything and anything I add sounds more like my opinion rather than Biblical truth.  I believe I am preaching the Word, but I wonder sometimes if people receive a sermon that way.  I will serve God in any capacity and for as long as He chooses, even if sometimes I preach to their condemnation rather than their edification.  The bottom line is that they are not my friends, they are my flock.  

I wish my flock were my friends.  I love them, but they resent me like a teenager resents his mother and father.